Growing Up In A Whole Family Of Narcissists
We tend to think of bullying as something that happens in the school yard amongst kids who are being mean and abusive to one another. However, over the many years of my practice I have come across cases in which the client presented with the problem and complaint that they felt picked on and excluded from their family of origin. They were distressed, anxious and depressed over this problem despite the fact that they had their own families with husbands or wives, children, careers and friends. Yet, they were experiencing life as though they were children living in their parental home.
ALLAN SCHWARTZ, LCSW, PH.D.
Perhaps one of the most heartbreaking narcissistic relationships that any of us can ever be in is a narcissistic family.
Hatred from strangers, coworkers, customers, and associates can hurt, but they are more than easy to get over in time.
Hatred from blood, from relatives, from our family, is the worst type of hate that any of us can go through because it is blood.
The pain of being hated, berated, attacked, and made to feel less than those closest to us in this world is unlike any other pain that we can experience.
In this article, I want to explain what you can do when you are — by no choice of your own — born in a whole family of narcissists.
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Contents
Growing Up In A Whole Family Of Narcissists
“Somehow I believed it was my obligation to try to do the right thing by her because she had given birth to me.”― D.G. Kaye
Goodreads
What Is A Narcissistic Family System?
A narcissistic family system is when the needs of the parent outweigh the child’s psychological development. The family will have a scapegoat to which they will blame all their faults on.
Growing up in this type of family household and dynamic leads to many mental, emotional, physical, psychological, and even spiritual issues down the road.
It is not uncommon for kids who grow up in these households (especially if they are the scapegoat) to have C-PTSD, anxiety, suffer from massive depression, have feelings of insecurity and guilt, and live with a lot of shame with who they are.
Being raised by a narcissistic parent gives rise to the belief “I am not good enough.”
The Impact of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent
What To Do When You Are Growing Up In A Whole Family Of Narcissists
- Find a way out
- Know that the hatred you get is not your fault
- Understand that they will never love you
- Start building relationships elsewhere
- Cut all ties with them
1 ~ Find A Way Out
If you need help because of the abuse you are going through with your narcissistic family, consider reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Whatever you do, try and start thinking of ways out of your situation. Narcissistic parents can do a myriad of harm to their kids and think nothing of it.
2 ~ Know That The Hatred You Get Is Not Your Fault
What is crushing to so many children who grow up in this household is that they think everything wrong that happens in their families’ lives is their fault. And nothing is further from the truth.
It is not your fault.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
The drama that your family thrust onto you is NOT…YOUR…FAULT.
And you must, for the sake of your sanity, realize this and accept it.
3 ~ Understand That They Will Never Love You
Narcissistic mothers and fathers can hate their children. It is perhaps the worst form of hate that anyone can ever receive from someone outside themselves.
To a narcissistic mother, her daughter is NOT someone they can teach, help to grow into their person, or instill in them wisdom and self-love.
Can A Narcissistic Mother Hate Her Daughter?
4 ~ Start Building Relationships Elsewhere
It is very important to learn how to build relationships elsewhere. It is important to learn how to set up boundaries and learn that it is okay for you to be loved.
The most important thing here is to learn how to set up boundaries. Your family has shown you what it is that you DO NOT WANT in a healthy relationship.
Use that to go out and create the perfect boundaries for you and your upcoming relationships.
5 ~ Cut All Ties With Them
It may be scary and excruciating to cut ties with your blood, but no one has the right to treat you like crap because they think they can.
For the sake of your sanity, your mind, your well-being, and your spirit cut all ties with these people.
They will only continue to hurt you if you choose to stay.
