“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. Men are considered ‘wimps’ for letting their wives beat them or for complaining about their wives’ attacks. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means don’t complain and don’t show you are vulnerable or in pain!
With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and/or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimized by the general public and law enforcement, it’s no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”Men Don’t Tell (Reference)
Far too often, the abuse that an empathic husband and/or empathic father goes through can go under the radar. We talk a lot about privilege in society.
With how victim mentality seems to become a badge of honor nowadays, the victimizer appears to fall into one category of sex, sadly in one shade of skin.
The victim privilege is reserved mostly for the females, which is disgustingly wrong.
Abuse can happen to anyone, and it does happen to everyone; regardless of their sex or race.
Husbands Can’t Be Abused ~ This Is A Lie
Far too often we hear that a husband lacks empathy for wife and the husband is often times viewed as the bad guy in the relationship.
The “my husband lacks empathy” image is perpetuated far too much in society.
This is not say that there aren’t those husband with no empathy out there, because there is.
Many wives and girlfriends are dealing with very dangerous and nasty narcissistic partners.
But just as we bring light to the violence these women go through, so too must we for the good men out there who are also going through violence at home.
The negative effects of only saying that women can ONLY be victims of an abusive relationship is that it gives them that victim image.
And they will use and misuse this image to get away with a great deal of wronging others.
She can be the devil incarnate but because society has conditioned so many of its citizens into thinking only the man is the abuser; she can get away with murder.
Men, and very GOOD DECENT MEN, are being abused, and the idea of shaming them for not fighting back or putting his women in place is stupid.
There are so many things worn with this thinking.
A wife/or girlfriend is not property, she is a partner, so the idea that he should put her in place is silly.
This is America, and we live in the 21st century, hat way of thinking is ancient and has no bearing in today’s world.
And secondly, to be a man is not just about being physically strong ALL THE TIME.
Many qualities make a man a man, and not hitting a woman out of anger, well, I would chalk that out as one quality of being a man and a DECENT MAN.
The Empathic Husband And The Narcissistic Wife
It can be challenging for an empathic husband to be married to a narcissistic wife.
With divorce leads to a man whole livelihood being taken away as well; alimony can be a b*tch for a guy who isn’t rich or well off.
Coupled with the idea of divorce weighing over his head, and females are always assumed as the victim, there is a lot that goes against a good man.
He truly has the world against him.
Empathic Father & The Narcissistic Children
Not only is the wife narcissistic, but if she has not eyed one of her kids to be her flying monkeys, she is also a narcissistic mother who has no qualms about hating her kids.
There are two scenarios that can arise here:
- The narcissistic wife can turn the kids against their father
- She will hurt the kids to spite the father
Scenario #1 – Turns The Kids Against The Father
This is also not known as much in society, being a husband who is hated by his wife and a father who is hated by his kids, when he is doing EVERYTHING that a father and husband should do.
There are guys out there who sire kids and have no desire to be in their lives and has no desire to be in his girl’s life, and they seem to be treated like they can do no wrong.
But for the guy who does everything correctly, he is never appreciated for that, and it can crush any man.
Scenario # 2 – Hurting The Kids
This usually happens after the divorce. A mother will lie and manipulate her kids into thinking their father doesn’t care about them. This is abuse on such a high level because they make their kids think they are not lovable by their father.
This form of abuse, psychological and emotional abuse, goes over too many people’s heads and the court system so very little to try and fix these cases.
The Empathic Husband/ Empathic Father
I want you to know that you are NO LESS OF A MAN for feeling sad about your situation.
It takes so much strength to be a man who dares to love his family despite all the crap they put him through.
To be a victim of the very people you have dedicated your life to care for, cherish, and love is a weight that even Atlas (The Greek god) would not be able to bear alone.
To be an empathic husband to a narcissistic wife can be a nightmare, and due to the societal messed up image of “the only victim in an abusive relationship can be a woman” can really not help his case when he brings it forward to anyone.
Men can be raped.
Men can be victimized.
And men can be abused.
But men can also overcome. And men do overcome.
If you find that you have NO ONE to reach out to, consider joining a few Facebook groups dedicated to Empathic Men who have been victims to narcissistic women.
Understand that blogs and support groups such as these are an excellent start but are not the result.
It would help if you decided to speak with a therapist, as professional help can genuinely go a long way, where blogs such as these are not enough to fill the void in your heart.
You are NO LESS OF A MAN for dealing with the abuse in silence. That takes more strength than you will ever know, but consider giving therapy a try.
It can possibly help to take that weight off your chest and allow you to rest.
Sign up here today at Online Therapy.