An apology from the person or people who hurt us can go a long way. But do not be fooled by the narcissist apology hoover tactic. They are not sorry for what they did to you/us.
An apology from a narcissist is nothing more than crocodile tears to fool us into thinking they have a heart and feel remorse for what they did.
This is especially true for the covert narcissist.
These narcissists are some of the deadliest of the narcissists as they hide their true modus operandi behind a false image of insecurity and fragility!
In layman’s’ terms, meaning that they play weak to lure people into their worthless lives so that they can consume whatever is excellent and amazing about the person whom they lured in.
A great example of this mindset is shown in this Rick n Morty episode:
There are people out there who use the victim mindset and TACTIC to draw people into their lives so that they can use them and hurt them.
The narcissist apology hoover tactic you may get (most often times don’t get than do get) is not as sincere as you may think it is.
The narcissist hovering apology is akin to a small glimmer of light that we hope to see in them, that is not a tiny light of humanity but a reflection of what we wish to see.
That light you see in them serves as the light that one can find in an Deep Sea Angler fish.
Where fish at the darkest regions of the sea view it as sustenance, is nothing more than a trap to bait the fish into coming to the Angler fish so that it can swallow it up.
In this article, I want to explain the narcissist apology hoover tactic and why you must ignore it.
It is imperative (and this is not a hyperbolic word here) that you NOT acknowledge the apology.
Far too many people have fallen back into the hands of these parasites and have sunken even lower than before.
You must sink this into your head that they do not love you, and they will never love you.
I know that may seem harsh and maybe crushing, especially if you still have strong feelings for them, but I can guarantee you that there is always someone else out there who is so much better for you.
To go back to them is a sure way that they will completely and utterly destroy you.
Don’t give them that chance.
If someone shot at you and missed and somehow their gun ended up in your hand, I doubt you would give them the gun back so they can try shooting you a second time.
Don’t give the toxic narcissist a second chance to do this to you.
Understanding The Narcissist Apology Hoover Tactic
What Is The Angler Fish? The Hoovering Covert Narcissist Spirit Animal
If there is such a thing as a spirit animal, then without a doubt, the angler fish is the covert narcissist spirit animal.
These monstrously ugly fish are great representations of what the hoovering covert narcissist/ or narcissist is.
How they lure their prey into their lives is not dissimilar to how narcissists lure their victims back into their lives.
The light illuminating off the tentacles of these fish is the “heartfelt apology” that so many of us look for and are attracted to.
Much like the Angler fish, which has many disguises and tactics to lure prey to it, so too for many of these narcissists.
Here are just a few of the Covert Narcissist/ and Narcissists main tactics they use to lure people into their clutches again:
- False apology
- Sad puppy dog eyes
- Narcissist flying monkeys hoovering
- Receiving a message five months later, “Hey! How are you doing”
Need more information on the Angler Fish? Watch the video below and get ready to laugh because this is hilarious!
“Their like a rainbow…of ugly.” (LMFAO)
What Does Their Apology Really Mean?
I’m So Sorry You Feel Hurt By What I Did
Notice the phrasing of this sentence. They are saying that it is YOUR fault you feel like they hurt you.
In their minds, if you were not so stupid or weak, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
So they say, “I’m sorry YOU feel hurt,” to place your hurt on to you as if you are the reason they lied, cheated, or used you.
Narcissists know that a good deal of us are looking for and waiting for an apology, and to them, this gives them glee and power.
They think they have control over our healing process and will delay it as long as they can…if we allow them to.
Understand that you are the one who is in charge of your healing process. Waiting for an apology from the narcissist will NEVER COME.
Take this from someone who grew up with a family full of narcissists and never once received an honest apology.
If family, BLOOD, can do this, what do you think strangers will do?
What To Do If They Apologies To You?
If narcissist apologizes to you, and this may not always come in the form of “I’m sorry,” it could also be them giving you gifts, saying to you how much they miss you, or they would like to meet up and talk, the best thing to do is say…
If They Apologies
“Thanks for that and for thinking of me. I wish you all the best.”
What this does is show you accept their apology, and by saying, “I wish you all the best,” what you show is that you hold no grudge and are moving on with your life.
The significance of saying this is that it shows the narc that they did not hurt you as much as they think they did.
To these people, if someone harmed the egos, they would not stop thinking about that person.
The only thing they would think about is getting revenge.
And because these people have a somewhat solipsistic way of thinking, the thought of others not thinking about them and even moving on from their lives is not a thought that crosses their mind.
If They Offer You A Gift
“Hey! Thanks for that but my new friend just got me a similar gift. I don’t need two.”
Now, this may seem a bit like teasing them, but the purpose of this is to show them that you have moved on from them and have no issue not being in their lives.
This will crush them on a massive level and distort their worth in your eyes.
They think they are god’s gift to people. And when we can move on so easily and effortlessly, it makes them second guess their worth.
If They Ask To Meet Up
“Ah! Jeez! That would be great but MY schedule nowadays does not permit that lost of time.”
Oh! This is a favorite phrase of mines.
So what is the purpose of a phrase such as this?
By telling them YOUR schedule does not permit a lost of time, what you are saying to them and what they will hear is that…
“You are not worth the time, and I have better things to do than waste it with you.”
This phrase also indicates to the narcissist that your world does not revolve around them. You use your time and spend your life with people who bring you value.
Again, this may seem like we are nasty like them, but we are keeping our cool and also setting the record straight in their mind that “you are not nearly as important to me as you have deluded yourself into thinking.”
Forgive Them For You Not Them
Whatever you do, do not wait for an apology or even seek or want an apology.
The honest apology where they wake up and say, “What a complete asswipe I have been to these people, I must change my ways,” will NEVER most likely come.
To us, empaths and just decent mature adults, hurting someone for fun is an idea outside the cope of our thinking.
That makes no sense to us.
But to them, it makes all the sense in the world. These people are like Jokers, “The things they do make sense only to them.”
They view an apology as a way to lure you back into their lives; it is not a sentiment of revelation in their eyes that they have been asswipes.
The desire for them to think this way will only hurt you and drive you insane. I know it is not easy to accept that others have wronged you; take this from me, someone who has been humiliated in front of hundreds because of a few narcissist hatred for me.
I know I will never get an apology, I know they will continue to slander me, and I know they will continue to hate me unjustly, but it is okay because my life does not revolve around them.
Nor does your life revolve around the narcissist.
Forgive these people without the apology and just move on with your life, because whatever they did, know that offering them a second shot in your life will only destroy you the second chance around.