Narcissists invariably react with narcissistic rage to narcissistic injury.
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist
These two terms bear clarification:
Any threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist’s grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).
The narcissist actively solicits Narcissistic Supply – adulation, compliments, admiration, subservience, attention, being feared – from others to sustain his fragile and dysfunctional Ego. Thus, he constantly courts possible rejection, criticism, disagreement, and even mockery.
The narcissist is, therefore, dependent on other people. He is aware of the risks associated with such all-pervasive and essential dependence.
He resents his weakness and dreads possible disruptions in the flow of his drug – Narcissistic Supply.
He is caught between the rock of his habit and the hard place of his frustration.
No wonder he is prone to raging, lashing, and acting out, and to pathological, all-consuming envy (all expressions of pent-up aggression).
The narcissist is constantly on the lookout for slights. He is hypervigilant. He perceives every disagreement as criticism and every critical remark as complete and humiliating rejection – nothing short of a threat. Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference.
Most narcissists react defensively. They become conspicuously indignant, aggressive, and cold. They detach emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury.
They devalue the person who made the disparaging remark, the critical comment, the unflattering observation, the innocuous joke at the narcissist’s expense.
By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant – the narcissist minimizes the impact of the disagreement or criticism on himself. This is a defense mechanism known as cognitive dissonance.
Narcissists can be imperturbable, resilient to stress, and sangfroid. Narcissistic rage is not a stress reaction – it is a reaction to a perceived slight insult, criticism, or disagreement (in other words, to narcissistic injury). It is intense and disproportional to the “offense.”
Raging narcissists usually perceive their reaction to having been triggered by an intentional provocation with a hostile purpose. On the other hand, their targets invariably regard raging narcissists as incoherent, unjust, and arbitrary.
Narcissistic rage should not be confused with anger, though they have many things in common.
It is not clear whether action diminishes anger or anger is used up in action – but anger in healthy persons is diminished through movement and expression. It is an aversive, unpleasant emotion. It is intended to generate activity to reduce frustration. Anger is coupled with physiological arousal.
Another enigma is:
Do we become angry because we say that we are angry, thus identifying the anger and capturing it – or do we say that we are angry because we are angry, to begin with?
Anger is provoked by adverse treatment, deliberately or unintentionally inflicted. Such treatment must violate prevailing conventions regarding social interactions or otherwise a deeply ingrained sense of what is fair and what is. The judgment of fairness or justice is a cognitive function impaired in the narcissist.
Numerous factors induce anger. It is almost a universal reaction. Any threat to one’s welfare (physical, emotional, social, financial, or mental) is met with anger.
So are threats to one’s affiliates, nearest, dearest, nation, favorite football club, pet, and so on. The territory of anger includes the angry person himself and his real and perceived environment and social milieu.
Threats are not the only situations to incite anger. Anger is also the reaction to injustice (perceived or actual), disagreements, and inconvenience (discomfort) caused by dysfunction.
Still, all manner of angry people – narcissists or not – suffer from a cognitive deficit and are worried and anxious. They are unable to conceptualize, design effective strategies, and execute them.
They dedicate all their attention to the here and now and ignore the future consequences of their actions. Recent events are judged more relevant and weighted more heavily than any earlier ones. Anger impairs cognition, including the proper perception of time and space.
In all people, narcissists and normal, anger is associated with a suspension of empathy. Irritated people cannot empathize. Actually, “counter-empathy” develops in a state of aggravated anger.
The faculties of judgment and risk evaluation are also altered by anger. Later provocative acts are judged to be more severe than earlier ones – just by “virtue” of their chronological position.
Yet, normal anger results in taking some action regarding the source of frustration (or, at the very least, the planning or contemplating such a move). In contrast, pathological rage is mainly directed at oneself, displaced, or even lacks a target altogether.
Narcissists often vent their anger at “insignificant” people. They yell at a waitress, berate a taxi driver, or publicly chide an underling.
Alternatively, they sulk, feel anhedonic or pathologically bored, drink, or do drugs – all forms of self-directed aggression.
From time to time, no longer able to pretend and suppress their rage, they have it out with the natural source of their anger. Then they lose all vestiges of self-control and rave like lunatics.
They shout incoherently, make absurd accusations, distort facts, and air long-suppressed grievances, allegations, and suspicions.
These episodes are followed by periods of saccharine sentimentality and excessive flattering, and submissiveness towards the victim of the latest rage attack. Driven by the mortal fear of being abandoned or ignored, the narcissist repulsively debases and demeans himself.
Most narcissists are prone to be angry. Their anger is always sudden, raging, frightening, and without an apparent provocation by an outside agent.
It would seem that narcissists are in a CONSTANT state of rage, which is effectively controlled most of the time. It manifests itself only when the narcissist’s defenses are down, incapacitated, or adversely affected by circumstances, inner or external.
Pathological anger is neither coherent, not externally induced. It emanates from the inside, and it is diffuse, directed at the “world” and at “injustice” in general.
The narcissist is capable of identifying the IMMEDIATE cause of his fury. Still, upon closer scrutiny, the reason is likely to be found lacking and the anger excessive, disproportionate, and incoherent.
It might be more accurate to say that the narcissist expresses (and experiencing) TWO layers of anger, simultaneously and always. The first layer, of superficial ire, is indeed directed at an identified target, the alleged cause of the eruption. The second layer, however, incorporates the narcissist’s self-aimed wrath.
Narcissistic rage has two forms:
I. Explosive – The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.
II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) – The narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and plots how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damage the work and possessions of people they regard as sources of their mounting wrath.
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