This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You & What You Can Do To Stop It

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Narcissistic people are truly mentally and emotionally disturbed people. They get out of hurting people, and the ones they get the most fun hurting are those they secretly envy.

Narcissists have a very myopic view of the world and how it runs. Their perception of the world is not too dissimilar to what you would find in a toddler or a child.

This is why I call them kidults.

They view the world through the prism of a toddler or a small kid. The world is here not because of the Big Bang or a Higher Power.


The world is here because they are here, and everyone is here because they are here to serve them.

This is the insanity that goes on in their warped minds.

There are several reasons why a narcissist would want to hurt you, and in this article, I want to break down the reasons they do this and show you want you can do to stop that abuse from happening and getting to you.

These people have no lives, and they will work day and night to think of ways to hurt you; they will not stop trying to hurt you until you stand up for yourself.

Disclaimer: This article includes affiliate links!

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You & What You Can Do To Stop It

There are several reasons why the narcissist hurts you, but I will cut the reasons down into five reasons that will blanket the entirety of reasons why they are so hellbent on hurting you/us.

  1. They Want To Control You
  2. Envy/Jealousy
  3. They Are Scared You Will Leave Them
  4. They Want You To Be Broken Like Them
  5. Fear That Will See Your True Worth

1 – They Want To Control You

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Narcissistic people have an insatiable desire to control everyone around them. There is something in their minds that forces them to control the world around them.

They need to be the center of everything and need to be the candy in everyone’s eye.

Control freaks have a strong need to control others because they believe they lack control themselves. So excessive need to control means the person is lacking control somehow in their own life.


Narcissists are kidults and aside from having a very childish look at the world, this view also outs in their mind that they need others to parentify them.

They need others to manage their emotions, make them happy, fulfill their dreams, and take care of them.

This is why they can throw such a hissy fit, go on a smear campaign when we leave them because they feel hurt that we aren’t taking care of them.

They feel abandoned like a small child.

By controlling people in their worthless lives, they feel like they can keep us in their lives forever.

And by attacking us and hurting us, in their minds, they believe that we will continuously think about them all the time and thus never actually leave them.

Because if we hate them that much, we will look for revenge and thus play into the hands of these deranged losers.

Solution: This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Become someone who is self-reliant. Nothing irks them more and empowers us more than but to become someone who needs as few people as possible.

When they have nothing…NOTHING…we need in our lives to be happy, that depowers them on a massive level.

This is also why financial abuse is one of their favorite tactics. As long as we depend on them financially, then we will always be in their worthless lives.

But by becoming financially free and becoming someone who is self-reliant, we take away their ability to hurt us and control us.

2 – Envy/Jealousy

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Oh! This is as true as the sky is blue.

The narcissist will hurt us because of their envy or their jealousy. Us being who we are, causing a severe narcissistic injury.

The narcissistic stare is a clear sign that they want to hurt you. The intense-looking eyes are not signs of love; it is a sign they want to devour you.

Solution: This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Leave them!

Plain and simple!

Take this from someone who got this look of MASSIVE HATRED from their own mother.

They will hurt you for DECADES if you stay. The only option is to leave them and let them devour themselves or their flying monkeys.

3 – They Are Scared You Will Leave Them

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

“If you suffered from neglect in childhood, it may cause you to go from one person to another, hoping that someone will supply whatever is missing.

You may not be able to care much about yourself, and think marriage will end this, and then find yourself in the alarming situation of being married but emotionally unattached. . . .

Moreover, the person who [has] neglect in his background is always restless and anxious because he cannot obtain emotional satisfaction. . . .

These restless, impulsive moves help to create the illusion of living emotionally. . . . Such a person may, for example, be engaged to be married to one person and simultaneously be maintaining sexual relationships with two or three others.

Anyone who offers admiration and respect has appeal to them—and because their need for affection is so great, their ability to discriminate is severely impaired.”

― Jerold J. Kreisman

This excerpt was taken from the fantastic book “I Hate You Don’t Leave Me,” I highly recommend that you give this a look, as people with BPD have many similarities with a narcissist and vice versa.

When a person cannot stay in our hearts, they will want to stay in our minds, and hurting us, for many, keeps them in our minds.

It is hard to stop thinking about all the stuff they put us through, and they know this, which is why they work so hard to hurt us.

But this desire to hurt us is so that we will forever be linked to them and tied to the same way.

Above all things, narcissists fear being forgotten and felt as if they never matter to us.

Solution: This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

Emotionally detach yourself from these people.

Yes, I know, easier said than done.

But this doesn’t take away from the fact that this is a GREAT solution for this issue/problem.

Truly learning how not to give a flip about them turns their desire to hurt us onto them.

It is not easy, but you must tell yourself every day, they do not matter. Their teasing, gossiping, smear campaigns, their desire to sabotage you and continue to hurt you does not matter.

And because they do not matter, whatever they do has no control over your life. They cannot hurt you because you are so far removed from them.

4 – They Want You To Be Broken Like Them

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

They want you to be like them, broken (mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually; assuming they have souls).

They are afraid to be alone as the worthless, broken souls they are, and so to not feel alone, they need to break as many people around them as possible.

Misery loves company!

And they will drag you down into their misery if you stay and allow them to keep hurting you.

Solution: This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

“Physician heal thyself.” – The Prophet

Staying, hoping that you can get them to see their worth, will not do you any good.

When you are trying to fix them and build them up, they are using that same time to break you and tear you down.

The solution to healing yourself from this form of pain is to focus on healing you and taking care of you.

If they suffer because of your absence, that is THEIR PROBLEM, not yours.

You must learn to be un-apologetically happy with being happy without them in your life.

5 – Fear That Will See Your True Worth

This Why The Narcissist Hurts You

I don’t know what it is about these people, but others seeing their worth, their beauty, their ability is anathema to them.

It is as if we shine, they will somehow burn up from our rays of inspiration like the energy vampires they are.

These people are head cases.

Why our success hurts them only makes sense to them.

I personally feel compersion for people when they are happy and living their best life.

Compersion is the opposite of jealousy. It is to take glee in seeing others succeed and be happy.

They hurt us, tease us, and mock us because in their minds, if they can plant these seeds of doubts in our minds, then we will think we really arent that good and we will stay trapped with them to prove them wrong.

Solution: This Why The Narcissist Hurts You


Yes, I know, again…it is easier said than done.

But you can break your mental conditioning.

They cannot.

Do not fall prey to becoming a prisoner in the prison of opinion watched by these emotionally ignorant kidults.

What they think and say should never be of your business or your concern.

Focus on working on you because, as Frank Sinatra once said, “Massive success is the best revenge.”

Need Support 

Suppose you need emotional support or seeking professional help from an abusive relationship. In that case, Online Therapy (Sign up with my affiliate link to get 20% off your first-month session) is a good option.

Blogs, online support groups, and even meetups are good steps in recovery, but nothing beats professional help.

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